Tim Ferris’ recently interviewed William Ury, one of the world’s best-known and most influential experts on negotiation and the cofounder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation. Ury is author of Getting to Yes and Getting Past No, and served as a mediator in boardroom battles, labor conflicts, and civil wars around the world.

In their conversation, Ury shared that everything he’s learned in his career about getting to yes and achieving seemingly impossible things can be boiled down to three key things.

“The path to possible is to go to the balcony, build a golden bridge, and take the third side. Influence yourself, influence the other, influence the whole.

These points hit so hard that I simply to share. It’s a powerful framework that any business operator can generalize and use to persuade, influence, and negotiate better.

This article is my summary of his framework, followed by selected interview excerpts and commentary expanding on each idea.

William Ury’s possibility framework

1. Go to the balcony — Don’t react. Pause to detach and look at the situation as an observer.

2. Build a golden bridge — Make it as easy as possible for the other side to do what you want them to do.

3. Take the third side — Instead of reducing everything to two-sides, show how the affect to the larger community.

Step 1: Go to the Balcony

“The greatest power you have in a negotiation is the power not to react. It’s the power to go to the balcony instead.”

“The ability to pause for a moment, it’s that faint gap between the stimulus and the response. The ability to, I like to use the metaphor of imagining that you’re negotiating, the negotiation is taking place on a play. All the characters are there. Part of you goes, your mind goes to a mental and emotional balcony overlooking the stage where you can suddenly keep your eyes on the prize. What is most important to you, and then see the big picture. What can you do? What can you do? See the larger picture. Where’s the way through this labyrinth in front of you? That art of going to the balcony I’ve found is key, and I’ve learned it, and had to learn it over and over.”

The concept:

Detach from the situation.

So many times when we are faced with a challenge, we roll up our sleeves and dive-in head-first. A bias for action is how all great companies operate, right? But immediate reactivity increases the likelihood that we will act in ways that don’t promote our long-term interests or true values.

For companies in competitive environments, the urge to clap-back or one-up your rivals can be strong. But often this is just a distraction or puts you on the same level as them in your customer’s mind.

Hasty and emotional actions waste resources or result in loss of focus and critical errors that can sink a business. Taking a pause and viewing challenges and situations “from the balcony” allows you to make intentional decisions that will advance the strategic goals of your business in more meaningful ways.

That epic tear-down Tweet you’re team has drafted might come across as petty and damage the reputation you’ve worked hard to build online. You realize the product release space-race that’s happening in your market is a profitability blackhole that your company doesn’t even need to be part of (!) You see that your retention problem is not a services team issue but servicing customers outside your ICP sweet spot.

A balcony view gives you perspective, choice, and optionality. Going up to the balcony might let you see that you do need to act boldly —explode out of the blocks, and chop the head off that thing. Or you may see wisdom in staying above the fray, and thus avoid getting mired. Perhaps you see how to intelligently engage from a position of power and authority, versus defensiveness and reactivity.

The action:

Only fools rush in. Head to the balcony to observe first. With a detached perspective, look down on the situation and choose your action.

Step 2: Build a Golden Bridge

“Make it as easy as possible for the other side to do what you want them to do by listening, by being creative, by being attractive by writing their victory speech.”

“When you’re facing a difficult conflict, start by writing out the other side’s victory speech. Imagine you’re asking your boss for something...imagine they say ‘yes’’…Now, imagine your boss then has to go and justify that to someone else whom he cares about. Maybe his board of directors, maybe his peers or her peers, and write out the victory speech. What does he say?”“Write the other side’s “victory speech.” What are they going to use to explain to others why they agreed to X? Leaders need to go back and explain to their cabinets, to their populace, and explain why they did X.”

The power of the victory speech is making the other person able to be a hero to the people that they care about.

The stories that we tell ourselves drive our decisions and our behavior. If we want someone to say “yes” to us, give them a compelling story they can tell to themselves and to others about why this is a good idea.

Uncertainty stalls decisions. When we are unsure how we would explain our behavior, we will wait to act. We can build a golden bridge that accelerates the path to yes by crafting a winning narrative that makes it easier for people to make and explain the decisions you want them to make to themselves and to others.

“Actually, you’ve got to be audacious. It’s not just an ordinary bridge, it’s a golden bridge. It’s attractive. It’s persuasive. You’ve thought through what really, really they want, what their fears are, and so on. So you’ve really built them that golden bridge. Influence yourself to influence the other.”

The concept:

Write the victory speech the other side can give.

“How can they present to the people that they care about why they said yes to your proposal? It’s got to be a victory for them. It going to be a victory for you, obviously, because they’re doing what you want them to do. But think about it and think about the hardest questions that they’re going to get, the criticisms that they’re going to receive. And then think about, what are the best answers they can give? Go through that exercise and then see your job as a negotiator as helping them deliver that victory speech.And I can tell you about how I’ve used it, but that’s the essence of it, is to work backwards, think about what victory would look like, and then work forwards…Listen for those little nuggets that give you an insight into the dreams. It’s beyond the interests, it’s deeper than the interests. The dreams and the fears. Those two things are really big. The dreams of the other side.”

The action:

Write out three talking points that your target can use to explain to people why they said yes.

Some prompts for brainstorming these points:

• Why is this the best way forward for them?

• How does this solve a short term problem and a long-term goal?

• How does this advance their desired position?

• How does this reinforce the identity they hold?

• What pitfalls does this decision let them avoid?

• What opportunity does this decision let them capture?

The application:

Your customer’s victory speech is your business’ value story.

Give your audience a narrative that lets all stakeholders feel like the decision is an obvious win. Doing this work on their behalf will accelerate getting to yes, increase perceived value, and close more deals.

Step 3: Take the third side

 “The third part is to influence the whole. Take the third side. Remember in negotiation, in conflict, we always tend to reduce everything to two sides. It’s labor against management. It’s sales against manufacturing. It’s husband against wife. It’s the Arabs against Israelis.There’s always a third side, which is the surrounding community, the people around who are affected by it. That’s a great power if you can harness it, so taking the third side, the side of the whole. I think that’s our oldest human heritage for dealing with conflict is using the third side.”“The amazing thing is that it seems like it’s an impossible situation. Seems like. But by treating it as a win-lose situation, there is no way out. But then looking for those possibilities, there was a way in which both sides could win, could benefit, that could get their freedom and their dignity.”

The concept:

Show how you are positively influencing the bigger picture.

Many times, when we talk about what we do, we fixate on the here and now. We focus on the parties involved and the immediate benefits. But in being too near-term, we miss the opportunity to invite audiences to make a decision with ripple effects that extend beyond their own needs and wants.

Taking the third side allows you to remove the table between you and the other party and stand next to them, put your arm around them, and consider something bigger together.

There are many ways to do this with your business. Bombas socks are engineered for performance but their Bombas Giving program allows a routine clothing purchase to be a part of a meaningful movement. Next Insurance provides tailored professional insurance as part of their mission to support small business owners who’ve bet on themselves.

These companies are fulfilling jobs-to-be-done, but they allow a customer’s “yes” to mean so much more than the value of the sale.

The action:Share how the impact of what you do extends beyond the deal-table.

You don’t need to have a business model with purchase matching to demonstrate that what you do each day has a blast radius that extends beyond your customer.

The reason we are in business is because we wish to contribute in a meaningful way. But so often our mission and vision statements are bland, not bold. This not only limits the innovation and imagination of what you build, but it completely cuts off the opportunity to share and invite your customers into buying into something meaningful when they partner with you.

1. Step up to the balcony of your market and see how you can positively influence your and your customer’s world.

• Are there terrible industry practices or associations your business is fundamentally dismantling and disrupting?

• Are you an extension of a philosophy or school of thought that is changing the world for the better?

• Are you building something that provides dignity or puts power into the hands of people who need it?

2. Ensure your mission and vision is taking the third side.

Imagine how your mission can extrapolate into your customers’ world. Instead of your vision being a statement of a desired status (We wish to be the premier provider of…blah blah blah”), cast a vision that captures the potential for what your company can be in your world.

3. Document the human impact your business is making.

Show your customers and your market that your business value is more than the sum of its parts.

Gather your customer stories and share personal anecdotes (specific or generalized) on social media platforms that showcase the positive impact that your company is making on the things that matter in the work you do.

To recap:

1. Observe from the balcony to see your next move.

2. Write a victory speech for your customer to tell.

3. Convey a vision that shows how doing business with you influences the world for good.

Make it easy for people to say yes to you.

Make it easy for them to tell others why they said yes.

Make their yes mean something more.